2.2

 

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We were all at varying levels of tired. I had a half-finished Coke in front of me that I wasn’t really touching anymore. Ellie was quietly eating something noodle-y. Shannon had her chin resting on folded hands and was staring out into space with a water beside her hands.

Last week of real school. Classes were boring if you didn’t have friends in them because they had no work to make the time go by. Just studying and review. We’d spent the first ten minutes of the lunch period like this. Silent. Not uncomfortably so. We just all on the verge of falling asleep.

Shannon took a deep breath that looked like it was going to precede something. I raised my eyes from a discoloured piece of table to her face. Ellie similarly half-perked up in the laziest way she could. Shannon rose to a normal seated position before she spoke.

“Did you two have any wonderful ideas over the last twelve or whatever hours?” She asked. Ellie sighed lightly and then dropped her face beside the bowl of whatever she was eating. Her nose bent a bit as it rested on the table. I shook my head a bit and closed my eyes. It was very difficult to get them to open again.

“Awesome.” She said dryly. Her elbows came to rest on the table and her head fell into her hands. Her fingers squished her cheeks a bit in that position. Made her look fish-like.

We had another long bout of silence. Possibly in respect to the death of that attempted conversation. I knew we should be laying out some plans. But I’d hit the point where it didn’t matter in my head now. Like schoolwork or these quickly approaching exams. My brain knew it needed to be done but it was also banking on just getting by. I was too tired to care.

“I’m going to perish if I have to get less than six hours of sleep again tonight. This is literally killing me.” Shannon said.

“We could just go back and try to close it.” I said. Shannon gave me a look. It had a lot of emotions in it. None of them were nice.

“That’s how one of you almost drowned and one of you almost got stuck in a branch by yourself last time. I really want something concrete before we go running in there.”

“We barely saw anything. We technically saw nothing. We heard footsteps.” I said while leaning against an open hand. My words were squished and weirdly morphed.

“I know.” Shannon said. She dropped her head down and ran her fingers through her hair roughly. Sighed loudly.

“Feels like we’re grasping at straws for a plan.” Shannon stopped her hands at the back of her head and grabbed the ends of her hair and let her forehead hit the table.

“It’s better than the fucking alternative.” She said as she rose up to eye level again. I took a moment of silence. Looked at her forehead and her chin and the table. My brain had that heavy feeling where only the simple thoughts were bubbling up.

“Then make a plan.” I said neutrally. I had a half-formed thought that she wouldn’t love that before I said it but I’d let it exit my mouth anyways. Only the immediate and reactive and easy words were landing on my tongue. She stared at me with her hands now clasped together in front of her. She was biting her lower lip.

“I’m asking for help because I have other things to worry about.” She said after a couple seconds of quiet. It sounded very diplomatic and not at all what she was planning on originally saying.

“You’ll do fine on exams.”

“These exams are important.” She fired back immediately. I shrugged. Just a lazy rise and drop of my shoulders. No real muscle behind the action.

“You’ll do fine, dude. I’ve seen how much you already study. We need your brain for something else.” Something crossed Shannon’s face for a moment. Just a slight movement of her eyebrows and eyelids and some twitch in her cheeks. Then it was gone. She took in a big breath, mouth open, and then bit her lip again as she closed it.

Ellie was looking between us now. Her chin was hovering just over her hands and she was sitting very still. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she was also biting her lip.

Girls

We all startled out of the tension at that. Ellie was sitting up completely straight now. Shannon was moving her eyes around and trying not to look like she was actively searching for Lady.

I’m not physically near you, don’t worry

“Oh.” Shannon said. She blinked a couple times. She leaned in a bit, her arms resting on the table. ME and Ellie did the same.

“Why is this the first we’re learning of this?” Shannon asked lowly. Trying to look like we were all just quietly talking about something casually.

Haven’t had an occasion to use it yet. I don’t know whether I’ll see you later, so I thought I’d inform you that I’ve set a meeting with that mage I spoke to you about

We all looked at each other at that announcement. Couldn’t tell what Shannon was thinking. Ellie just looked a little surprised. I was excited. Magic. Not even constrained, within-these-limitations magic like us. Real magic where anyone could learn anything. Fucking awesome.

“When and where?”

He’s wondering if you three are willing to come to a rest stop near Atwood around nine tonight. You can take a GO bus there, so he says.

We all looked at each other again.

“Can we risk skipping a night?” Ellie asked. Shannon looked at her and then at me, still not saying anything. I pursed my lips a bit.

“I don’t know. We haven’t tried it yet.” I responded. Shannon was biting her lip and staring at the bit of table in front of me.

“It’s going to be a late night either way, so I guess that’s not even a concern.” She started. I don’t think she was even talking to us really.

“What’s the closest thing in town to the clearing where these things appear?” I asked. I kind of knew but I also kind of sucked at geography even though I’d lived here my entire life so I wanted confirmation.

“The movie theater.” Ellie confirmed quietly. I’d been right. The big, old building that used to be a random name I don’t even remember and was now a Cineplex. We still just called it the movie theater. It was on the outskirts of town. Was originally by itself but they’d put up a couple restaurants around the very empty lot. Past that, forest for maybe ten minutes until the clearing.

“No one really wanders away from that, I think.” Ellie continued as an afterthought. The worst people usually did was have a smoke behind the theater. The wraiths hadn’t come at all close to that area, even when we’d left them for a couple hours.

“Some people could head out to the clearing itself tonight, it was a popular spot.” Shannon said. We were talking in hushed and hurried voices now. Didn’t want anyone to overhear and there was technically someone on the other end of the line. I shook my head as Shannon finished.

“Everyone’s been going to that unfinished site or lot or whatever near the mall.” That was farther out on the fringes technically, but on the opposite side of town. Once the first anniversary of absolutely zero construction happening had hit it had become a popular drinking location.

Shannon took a breath and nodded a bit. Set her jaw and folded her hands in front of her. One of those moments where she went from seventeen to twenty-five and I couldn’t even really tell how or why. I never felt like I could hold myself like that. Never felt like people saw me like that.

“Okay, yeah, tell him that sounds good.” Shannon said. Ellie nodded and I nodded. There was a moment where nothing happened where I was worried we’d had that little discussion for nothing.

He says he’ll be in the Tim Hortons

And then it felt like she was gone. Like you’d hung up a phone and the other line was dead. Weird.

“Issue number two.” Shannon said after taking a sip of her water. Ellie and I looked at her.

“Staying out late on a weeknight.” I said. Which wasn’t necessarily the issue. We’d been doing that for a couple weeks now. The issue was that we’d have to be on that GO bus anywhere from eight to eight-thirty depending on the schedule. Our usual route to keeping parents unaware had been pretending to go to bed and then jumping out the windows. I’d had to watch a tutorial for how to pop my screen out and back in. If I went to bed before eight my dad would think I was sick. And then probably hover and think something was wrong.

“We may just have to eat some crow on this and tell them we’re going out, then pretend we lost track of time.” Shannon said. That would go over well with my dad.

Ellie made a strange sound of disagreement in response and wiggled her hand in a so/so gesture. Shannon looked to me and I shrugged and made a bit of a face.

“Don’t disregard my idea and then not have another one ready.” She said. Me and Ellie both stared at her in silence for a few seconds. She widened her eyes and tilted her head in an I’m waiting sort of gesture. When we didn’t respond she said:

“Yeah, okay. You have until around seven to come up with a better idea or else we’re doing this.” Neither of us said anything in response. We spent the last ten minutes of the lunch break gathering the very little garbage we had and throwing it out and sort-of chatting about gossip and school rumours. None of it was really interesting to me. I was thinking about tonight. A bit excited and a bit nervous about how this was gonna go over with my dad. Time to have butterflies for the rest of the day while trying not to show it on my face.

The five-minute warning tone played over the speakers and we all got up. Gathered our things and threw stuff into bags and slung them over our shoulders. I fell behind as we exited the two-people-wide cafeteria door so our group ended up as an upside down triangle with me as the top point. I stared at the floor as Shannon talked to Ellie and Ellie pitched in every minute or so. My head popped up after about two minutes and I realized we had come to a stop and we’re standing outside our class, waiting for the teacher to get here. I tapped Shannon on the shoulder and her and Ellie turned to me.

“Gott whiz.” I said. Shannon made a face at the wording. Partly amused and partly just what-the-fuck. They both nodded.

“Hurry up. Ms. Hart is still testy with you.” From all the other times I’d been late. Or hadn’t been there. She’d be even testier after today. But I didn’t say anything and just nodded and turned around. Was hoping Shannon wouldn’t connect that I took my bag and didn’t give it to her to drop off. Or just assume I needed it for my washroom visit.

The second tone rang as I passed the bathroom. Class had started. Everyone should mostly be in place except for the teachers who’d went to grab lunch or the kids who just didn’t particularly care. The chronically late. Or the people like me. The chronically never there.

I walked at a normal pace to the library. Unmanned except for the single librarian who guarded the books and the little computer lab portion of the space. No one really looked my way or cared. Even though it felt like they were and should be. I was already getting that why feeling in my stomach and my head that I was getting good at ignoring. The part of me that mirrored my dad or my teachers or whatever else. Why was I like this? Why couldn’t I just be normal and do what I should be doing? I knew that I could just go to class like everyone else did but my brain just wouldn’t let me. That stuff was buzzing around my head and I was counting my steps to take my mind off it.

When I go there I immediately went to the back. There was a little nook with a single table, where the shelves covered all but one side of a square area. It was ideal for studying. Or just not being bothered. It was also a coin flip whether someone was already gonna be there or not. I got lucky today. Was early enough. I sat down in the chair opposite the open side and put my bag on the floor. Out of sight. Sometimes I came here and put my earbuds in and drew in my sketchbook if I had the energy. I hadn’t for a while. Most of the time I just did what I was doing now. Folded my arms and tried to find the most comfortable position that didn’t hurt my head and also covered my eyes and fell asleep. Still with my earbuds in.

It was an unknown amount of time spent in that weird state of half-sleep where minutes past faster and it was more like living life via snapshots and photographs. I’d wake up and someone would be across from me. Next time I opened my eyes they were gone and someone else was there. Or people were in one place and then another. No movement to connect the two. Just A and B.

Then I startled back into my chair and my head slid off my arms when something lightly trilled against my table. I thought someone had had dropped small bits of something opposite me at first. My immediate thought was that someone had spilled something in trying to sit across from me and then I was annoyed from being woken up and really annoyed from someone being in my space.

That annoyance changed to an inward sigh of god damn it when I saw Miss Kovac standing across from me with her knuckles resting against the surface of the table. She tapped them against the laminated wood very lightly again as I blinked sleep and blur from my eyes.

“I think I recall you have a class now.” She said to me. Her lips were pursed but they weren’t necessarily turned down. No real anger. Her eyebrows were a bit pulled together but her mouth wasn’t tight and her eyes were soft.

I’d had her for art last year. Still felt strange that we had a generic art class when we were almost eighteen but it was the only thing like it in this school so I hadn’t complained. She was good. She had a lot of her own pieces hung up in her room and she’d change them around from time to time. I could tell she liked pencil and pen and instruments with a solid point rather than paint. She’d been really nice to me. I’d actually looked forward to that class.

And now here I was. Fucking this up again. Because this wasn’t the first time she’d caught me doing something like this. It had never been for her class surprisingly. I’d wanted to but I knew she’d be really fucking disappointed and I didn’t want to deal with that the next day. I could handle it from my dad or my other teachers but not from her and I didn’t even really know why.

“Yeah.” I said after a few moments of silence and rubbing my eyes and trying to think past the bleariness in my head. I put my hands down because I felt like I looked ten year younger than I was when I pawed and rubbed at my eyes.

“C’mon, up. I’ll walk you to class so you don’t get lost again.” From my dad that would have just been a weight on my shoulders. A remark said to purposefully get to me. But she said it like it was an actual possibility. Like I’d tripped and fell and just landed on this table so hard I’d fell unconscious. So I got up without any word or face and followed her.

It was silence for the two or three minutes it took for us to walk. I thought of trailing behind a bit so I wasn’t in her field of vision. Because I’d feel judged or seen in the wrong way or whatever. But that also would look pathetic and like I was definitely in trouble so I kept up with her.

She slowed as we got near the classroom. The door was closed which was the worst case scenario. It would make my entrance very noticeable instead of normally noticeable. I looked at her as she came to a stop and she beckoned me a bit closer with her hand.

“What’s going on?” Miss Kovac asked. I looked at her through some loose strands of hair for a second before my eyes fell to her neck and collarbones again. Was weird to realize you were a bit taller than a teacher.

I shrugged in response. My backpack was in my hand and I was holding it by the loop at the top. Hadn’t bothered to put it on my shoulders this entire way here. She was looking at me without saying anything even a few seconds after the shrug and it wasn’t an angry look.

“Was just a bit tired.” I said lamely. Shannon was better at this stuff. She didn’t do it a lot but I’d seen her talk her way out of sticky situations before. Something in my brain just shut off when I had to talk to people I didn’t have a really close relationship with.

“This is the second time I’ve caught you in the last few weeks. And I’ve heard some little bridies mention you not coming to class more often than that.” She let that hang in the air for a moment. It wasn’t really a separate statement. More of an expansion on her first question.

When I didn’t respond she sighed and that resonated somewhere in me. Didn’t show it though. I looked as emotional as a rock or a tree or part of the fucking wall. I’d been getting good at that for a while now. Lots of practice.

“I know you know this, but we have a counselor if you need to talk.” She paused for a second and I shrugged again. Almost laughed at that actually. Going to the school counselor for help wasn’t a thought that made sense logically in my head. I was basically on autopilot now. She sighed a bit softer this time and both her eyes and mouth seemed to turn down a little. She continued:

“This isn’t the way to go if you’re having trouble, hon.” Miss Kovac said. It wasn’t quiet or low but it was soft. That was it. Softly. I hadn’t heard a tone like that in a while. I felt my stomach flip and something wrench in me just a little bit but I kept my composure still. Don’t think she even noticed how much it affected me. Which was fine.

“Okay.” I said. Nodded. She said nothing for a moment. Just looked at me. Then she uncrossed her arms and put her hand on my upper arm and squeezed a little.

“Off to class with you.” She said and smiled a little. I smiled one of those fake small smiles back that didn’t reach anywhere internally. What she hadn’t said was that she was going to have to tell someone because it had been happening a lot. She had last time and it had felt shitty. And I’d probably already been marked absent knowing Ms. Hart’s very-rapidly-draining patience with me. Doubt she even took into account whatever Shannon had told her.

My hand was on the door handle when I hesitated. Could just leave the school this time. Nap in a field or something. But then I saw that Ms. Hart had seen me through the little rectangular window above the knob and saw her incline her head and very impatiently wave her hand at me to come in. I bit the inside of my cheeks harder than intended and opened the door and tried to ignore everyone looking at me including my two friends.