2.5

 

Previous

Next

“What were you up to around here?” I asked. Pedro had just seen me scream my lungs out and I wanted to get off that subject. Or he’d heard it at least. I was feeling awkward in the way I always felt awkward after an expression of really intense emotion people witnessed. Just wanted to pretend it didn’t happen.

But we were sitting here against a tree in the shade of it’s leaves because it had happened. He’d asked if I wanted some water and I said yes in the moment and because I hated being in the middle of a space I went and stood at the edge of this clearing and drank from his bottle. Unhygienic and probably dumb and unsafe but whatever. I was in a strange headspace and my thoughts were difficult to keep straight.

“Was checking out that doorway your friends mentioned. It’s-“ He paused there. Felt weird that someone who’d been in this world longer than me was at a loss for what to say about something that felt normal to me already.

“Weird.” I said. He shrugged. Made a so-so motion with his hand that was hovering near his leg. His back was against the tree next to mine and his knees were bent, so only his legs and butt were touching the ground. He wrapped his arms around his shins again as he stopped the gesture. I was de-transformed and sitting cross-legged in the grass and dirt.

“Was gonna say something like overwhelming or out of my league but weird works in a general sense. I’m used to weird though. This is- out of my pay grade.” He shook his head a bit absent-mindedly and continued, “Can’t really think of the right term. It’s a lot bigger than my usual basically.”

“Huh.” I said. Took a final sip of water and handed it back to him after closing the lid. I realized I’d been hoggin it and it wasn’t mine.

“Think your animal-friend-thing may have misled you on the kind of stuff mages deal with.”

“I guess. This is my normal right now so it’s kind of weird that its so weird for you.” He let out a silent laugh at that. More of a release of air with a slightly amused look on his face.

“Wild. At- what, seventeen?” I nodded as he gestured to me. He nodded back, “I was already practicing but I couldn’t really wrap my brain around power like this. Like when you think of all those millionaires and billionaires but your brain doesn’t really get a hold on it when you have a couple hundred bucks in your bank account.”

I shrugged in response. Got what he was saying. Just didn’t know what to say to it. I wasn’t great at this. I liked when Shannon was there in these situations. I could just stand in the background and listen and look scary and have her continue pulling at the thread of the conversation.

“There’s no default stuff? Like we got with this deal?” Might as well go down the line of thinking my brain wanted to follow. I was interested in this world. Let’s explore it. Shannon always seemed like she was just really good at getting people to talk about themselves but that had never clicked. This was my best effort.

“Ha. No. It’s a lot like money. Easy to get more when you have a lot. In both cases, old families and well-connected people are where it’s at. They have knowledge and shit to trade amongst themselves.”

“What’s the magic equivalent of working at a McDonald’s or whatever?” I asked. He smiled a bit lopsidedly at that. Let out another huff.

“Guess that’s me, kind of. I go into situations that are a bit dicey and get things people don’t wanna get themselves. Kind of vague but it gets me some stuff. I know of guys that do this sort of contractor slash fixer sort of deal that are networked into all the big families. They get paid real money and tools to do what they do, it’s real professional.” He moved his mouth all the way to the side so it was scrunched up to the right.

“Did your friends tell you about that little glamour trick I used when I met them?”

I nodded.

“Went into some very old and very disgusting house to get paid that. Person had been killed in the basement ages ago, was a dirt cellar and they wanted some of that dirt because said person was now a very nasty type of spirit. Blood of a ghost is a bit of rarity for obvious reasons. They did not tell me that the ghost was aggressively haunting that house. Ended up falling through the rotted floorboards into the basement and had to run back outside with a hurt ankle and a container of dirt.”

“Why didn’t you just keep the dirt?” He sighed at that. Not in a demeaning way it seemed. A bit annoyed but maybe at his past self or just the world in general.

“Wouldn’t have really known what to do with it. I get it in theory, but I’m not too into the shaman or medium stuff so I don’t mess with spirits. Glamour can be used a lot more defensively in a way that won’t have me hurting someone.”

I nodded at that. When I was at my best I could probably fake this. Use real interest and pull from people like Shannon that I knew to build enough of a façade to keep it going. But there was an undercurrent of awkwardness for me here. Because any mask I built was going to be seen through when I knew he’d seen me break that stony face I very carefully put up every day.

And I was tired. I didn’t want to go home and I didn’t want to be at school and going to Shannon’s meant her carefully prying even when she didn’t mean to and going to Ellie’s wasn’t possible because of my dad. If I asked he wouldn’t let me and if I just went I’d have shit waiting for me when I got back. He’d probably just come and get me, honestly. So it wouldn’t help. I’d dump all this on Ellie and then I’d just be reset back to this shitty zero I was sitting at.

“You wanna help me out with this gateway?” Pedro asked. I blinked a couple of times and then looked at him and blinked some more. He’d knocked me right off that train of thought and I needed a moment to remember how to interact with other people. I had been very comfortably in the small, quiet room of my own head.

“How?” I asked. He was already getting to his feet so I followed. Doubt he was going to ask something crazy.

“You’ve been there before. Your friend Shannon gave me some notes but it’s not as good as having someone there with a bit of experience.” Shannon had told him we had school and couldn’t help him when he’d asked. I was very grateful he wasn’t bringing up that fact.

“And I am also worried what may come out of that thing, going by what I’ve been told. Could use the backup.” He tilted his head to one side and gestured vaguely with his hands to emphasis the words.

I nodded and we began to walk. The few minutes it took to reach the door was spent in silence. I think it was comfortable. He didn’t purposefully stray farther away from me or try to indicate in whatever way he could that he was awkward about the silence or wanted to start a conversation. I knew those hints well enough from Shannon and from classmates.

‘Did Shannon write down how to open it?” I asked. If he said no I’d be shocked. It was just one of those things where I wanted to say something to be polite and didn’t know how else to do it besides be a bit redundant. I always felt a bit dumb afterwards.

“The notes say, ‘Push it like a double-wide door.’” I nodded at that. Couldn’t really screw that part up.

It worked for him. I was wondering if it would only activate when we did it because of some connection or whatever that made sense in my head but was hard to verbalize. I was apparently wrong. Two doors made of the environment we had been staring at swung open. Purple-gray light and dark stone and glass stared back at us.

“Shit.” Pedro said. Not worried. Or scared. Surprised and followed by a very small chuckle of disbelief. He blinked a couple times at it before I took a slight step forward and broke him out of that trance.

“Weird.” I said. He smiled a bit at that.

“Really above my paygrade.” He muttered while beginning to slowly walk a circle around the trees that framed he door. I followed behind me. This was something we hadn’t really done. Mild curiosity over what the thing looked like from behind piqued my interest.

“What’s the weirdest thing you saw before this?” I asked. He tilted his head from side to side and raised his eyebrows. Made a couple ums before peaking.

“Creating that effigy back in the Timmies was out there for me. Made a deal with a gnome once to get into a particular abandoned basement. He made me go to the nearest jewelers and buy him an expensive necklace as payment.”

“Did you end up getting what you needed?” He shook his head and pursed his lips.

“Nope. That was not a great day.” He said absentmindedly. His fingers were running along the bark now. He stopped at certain points where bugs or weather or whatever had made dips in the bark. He continued on with a bit of a disappointed expression.

He gave it a couple more very slow walk-arounds and then came to a stop in front of the door once again. His hands were in his pockets now and he was looking down at the ground.

“Everything okay?” I asked. This once again startled him out of his own head and he looked up at me and blinked a couple times. This was what it was like to talk to me. Awesome.

“Was hoping there were some runes of some sort that were creating the door or helping to prop it open. Wouldn’t have a clue how to get a spell like that to work, it would be an insanely complex inscription, but it’s not hard to destroy runework.” He bit his lip and stared back at the open door. I was getting a bit weary of that portal now.

“Are we okay to go in? What’s the chance I’ll die?” He asked me. I blinked a couple times at that.

“We didn’t see any of those shadow-things when we were in the actual branch last time. We heard some movement from the back and left.” He tilted his head to the left at hearing that and made a face. More lip biting.

“Okay, small chance then. Sure, fine.” He stepped through a couple seconds after finishing his sentence. He looked hesitant as his foot crossed the threshold. I followed behind him with less resistance.

He stood and stared for a few moments and I let him take it in. It was a lot. The ceiling was high and seemed to have a bit of fuzz or haze on it that made me want to blink crud out of my eye but that didn’t help. The windows reflected unnatural light that made this place feel like a mistake.

Pedro eyed the figures very nervously. They’d changed positions or formation since we’d last been here. Maybe. Wasn’t quite sure, now. Which made it even worse.

“The hell is that?” He inclined his head towards the archway on the alter. His voice was very low. Like walking into specific department stores and suddenly feeling like you needed to whisper. Except the feeling came from some sense of unease or dread. Not politeness or whatever it was that made it that way elsewhere.

Like Ellie had said, it felt like something was listening.

I shrugged in response to him. He frowned.

“Shannon didn’t want to investigate it.” For safety, I guess. Which apparently was never my first thought. I wanted to know what that thing did or why it was here. Why all these figures in here seemed to be praying to it. The cloth on it still rippled a little in a breeze that wasn’t actually there.

“Probably wise. Gonna have to ignore that for now. Unfortunately.” He sighed. Tapped his foot a couple times. Then he began to walk. I saw his hands digging through his pockets for something. But he didn’t end up finding whatever it was he wanted and they just ended up settling at his sides.

The thirty or forty or fifty steps up to the altar felt very slow and very bad. Like walking towards an exam I hadn’t studied for. Or even paid attention in class for. That twisting in your stomach that eventually settled into some dark clog at the bottom times ten. Because Pedro couldn’t fight his way out and run with me like Shannon or Ellie could. Didn’t even know if he had a weapon.

He touched his hand against the stone when we got there. The tattered sheet was draped over it in such a way that the structure of the arch was visible and edges of the strange dim light peeked out where the sheet moved slightly from the breeze. Just enough to get my curiosity going. I kept my hands where they were anyways. I’d been reprimanded once and that was usually enough for me.

And I also didn’t know what was behind it. Which was both keeping me from touching it and making me want to rip the sheet off.

Pedro ran his hands slowly along the carved stone like he had the trees outside. Nothing once again. His fingertips grazed the sheet and he applied just a little pressure as he moved from the left of the structure to the right. His eyes were on the thing the whole time. He got no resistance at any point.

When he got all the way to the right he moved his eyes up lazily. Searching for nothing in particular it looked like. They hit my shoulder and then he took in a very quick and almost silent gasp of air and made a noise. His eyes widened.

For a second I thought I’d done something dumb. Just that weird, little anxiety that made you think you had something on your face or were wearing a shirt inside-out when someone looked at you for too long. Then my head clicked back into place and remembered where we were and I turned.

The back door was open now. The movement we had heard belonged to the thing standing in front of that open space, I assumed. It was completely naked and like a guy in it’s form. Huge and hulking like a bodybuilder. It’s skin was gray and purple and mottled, and looked like a thing sheet that had been pulled as tight as possible around it’s body and then kept there by some force. I could see individual muscle tendons shifting underneath.

It also had no face. Not even the suggestion of nose and cheek and brow shapes. Just a convex plane where it’s features would be. Didn’t even look like it was breathing. It stood and shifted slightly but that was all the movement it made.

“Go.” I said. Very quietly. I heard footsteps behind me that indicated Pedro was walking away. The thing began to move after maybe five steps from Pedro. From zero to touching the where the pews would be in a second. When he got the that area he just grabbed one of the thin figures like a piece of furniture and threw it to my left.

Pedro scrambled as I jumped and knocked the body off course with my shoulder. It hit the ground with zero life in it and stayed there as far as I could tell in the single second I stared at it. My boots scuffed against the floor as I stumbled on the landing.

The huge thing hadn’t stopped moving. It was already in front of me when I turned around. It hit me across the face and I tripped back and my feet the left the ground and I hit another couple of the praying guys full-force. Really fucking hurt. Holy shit. I’d never really taken a punch or a slap before. Not in a real fight.

I very quickly got to my feet despite the intense ache in my jaw. It wasn’t graceful and I almost stepped back onto another now-collapsed body and tripped again. My hand found the floor and I steadied myself. I was hunched over like a runner starting a race and waiting for the gunshot to go.

Did they still do that? Did they ever do that?

I licked my lips and when the thing got close again, used my hand and my feet and some extra strength to jump forward from three limbs. Crashed into him sword-first. It didn’t go really where I wanted. No blade to the heart if he even had one. Was more like the space between a rib, maybe.

It didn’t matter because I still used the sword as a lightning rod and conducted the electricity directly into his body. At the same moment he grabbed my arm-

A fucking trend I didn’t want to fucking continue

-and as the volts went through him he clenched down with his huge hands and fingers that encircled my entire limb. It felt like it would have shattered everything that existed in that part of my body if I wasn’t super-powered. I screamed really fucking loud which did nothing except make me able to ignore it a bit more.

The lightning stopped and so did he. He drooped, like a robot turning off in a sci-fi movie. Like someone hit his off switch. His grip didn’t go slack though. And now I wasn’t even screaming because it was hurting so much. I was whimpering and struggling and I sounded like I never wanted to sound. Stupid and helpless and like a kid.

Behind me I heard shoes on stone and actually remembered Pedro was there. And I got very disappointed that I couldn’t even protect one fucking person. This was my job that I was chosen for, that I got excited for because it wasn’t this useless fucking grind I had to think about every day and I still messed it up. Still didn’t do it right somehow. I’m sure my dad would have something great to say about that.

Then the thing dropped me and my head hit stone really hard. The rest of my body did as well, but my head was the worst part. Even with my magic skull it left me rattled. I couldn’t see where the figure had gone but something grabbed my arm again and I spun and pushed away and looked towards it.

Pedro. Looking panicked and worried. His hands were held out in front of him like a placating gesture mixed with being frozen on what to do. He ended up reaching his hand out and I took it and he helped me up very roughly and awkwardly.

He pulled me towards the door and I caught a glimpse of dying light to my right. I saw a momentary glimpse of two of the praying figures on fire. The huge thing was moving towards them. Then I was outside the door. The air felt less stagnant and still here and there were sounds that weren’t just echoes bouncing off stone.

Pedro was first through so I turned and began to close the door. My hands grabbed doorknobs or handles that hadn’t been there before and I pulled. In the gap between the squares of our world I saw the thing pick up one of the burning creatures and hug it tightly to his body. It was crushed with a sound I could hear from where I was standing and then the thing dropped it’s arms and the deformed mass stayed stuck to his body. It began to settle and move around until the proportions were equal once again. Whatever injuries the huge thing had from my lightning looked like they were gone now.

He began to walk to the second burning thing as the door swung shut.

My right hand immediately went up to my left arm. I could feel that it was going to bruise and swell before even looking at it. It was just one of those injuries. Fuck.

“Fuck.” I said very lowly. With too much emotion in my voice. It hurt to fully extend my arm. Fuck. I clenched my fist which also hurt it and took a breathe and let my face settle back into it’s usual state.

“Yeah. Holy hell.” Pedro said as I turned to him. He was walking away from the door while keeping an eye on it. I followed him.

“Do I need to take you to the hospital?” he asked. He was staring at my arm I was still holding. I looked down. Let go of that electric feeling in my stomach and felt it drop and settle away from me. Saw the spark quickly run over me from the sides of my eyes. I flexed it gently again. Same sensation. Not worse when I was human again. I shook my head at him.

“Kind of just want a nap.” I said. I very gently pulled my phone out of my pocket. Woke it up. Three thirty. Had spent a couple hours with Pedro.

“Yeah.” He opened his mouth to say something else and then shut it. Just nodded.

“Want a ride?” He asked. He made a motion to somewhere to our left and I assumed his car was park somewhere near the clearing. I shook my head. Wanted the walk. A bit of alone time. Before getting back home.

“Okay.” He said. Nodded again. Awkward. What the hell do you say after something like that? We were silent as we walked to the clearing. He said bye as we split off and I waved back at him.

Nothing happened on the walk home. No text from Shannon. Or Ellie. Or my dad. Or anything. Even after all that just happened I was focused on how fucking stupid it was I skipped again. Fuck.

What the hell are you doing, Pandora?

It was both me and my dad’s voice asking that in my head. A mental shrug at it. I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I was doing in the present and I didn’t know what I was doing for the future. Shannon had it planned out. Ellie had an idea. She talked about psychology in a broad sense. I had nothing. Even though everyone wanted me to. And when I looked back to the past I couldn’t even tell you what I was doing despite having been the one to do it.

I just felt fucking lost.

I drank five glasses of water when I went home and then went upstairs and collapsed on my bed. Didn’t even take my shoes off which was fucking disgusting but I didn’t care. I’d care later. Like everything I did. Didn’t matter in the moment but I had to spend so much time cleaning up the mess my stupidity made.

Yet I still didn’t take my shoes off as I curled up and breathed really deep. Hugged my knees to my chest.

My mom used to hug me when I cried. My dad was never good at it. It’s where I got it from. It’s where Nate got it from. We couldn’t handle emotion around us. It scared me because everything in my brain shut down and I was afraid if I said something I’d make it worse. Complete shut down.

Nate got better at it. In his way. He backed me up after our mom was gone because she wasn’t there to argue for us. To temper my dad. He took the heat on himself instead, which was different than the calm way our mom tried to do it. She defused him. Nate just ran that fuse down so the explosion was directed at him.

I didn’t know how to do that. I couldn’t handle that. Part of me felt like my mom would be so disappointed in my lack of plans and care and the skipping and the running away from things. Part of me felt like maybe she would understand a bit.

And then the door opened downstairs and I popped up as quickly as I could and sat on the edge of my bed. Face neutral. Fingers digging into the mattress. It was maybe five seconds before my door opened without a knock as well.

“What the fuck do I need to take away to get you to stop this?” My dad said. Angry. Very angry. The same way I used to feel when things didn’t go my way. I was better at burying that now but I felt it flare up when Shannon didn’t listen to me or when something just didn’t work. Like my sketchbook I had almost thrown across the room a couple weeks ago.

And because people just got scared when the tall girl in their class was always angry. People liked the girls that smiled and just got frustrated and shook their heads a bit and crossed their arms. Other girls got scared when you knocked things over or shouted or threw stuff and guys just- I don’t even know. Guys just called you a psycho or a bitch or something.

“Don’t have a lot you can take away.” I said lowly. Then I bit my lip. Literally and metaphorically. Immediately wished that hadn’t exited my mouth. Fuck I was tired. It was only four. All my guards were slipping. This was one of those days I needed no one to talk to me because it started bad and gotten worse and I couldn’t keep my rules and my walls up while trying to navigate my fucking thoughts right now.

“Watch your mouth. You still have your art stuff and your laptop sitting right there on your desk.” And then as if the thought had really crystallized in his head he entered my room very freely and picked up my sketch book. I was on my feet in front of him without really realizing it.

“No.” I said. And my tone kind of surprised me. I sounded like him. Like I was talking to a dog. Fuck, I hated that.

“That’s the rule now; I’m going to keep taking away your things until you get your head on straight. Laptop is next.”

“I need that for school.”

“Then you can use it downstairs, in the living room, while I’m watching.” He said. There was that anger again. In me. I’m glad Nate was the guy sometimes. The only thing that stopped me hitting him right now was that I would get hurt a lot more.

“No.” I said again.

“You still have a lot of stuff in here you don’t need. You can sleep on a mattress on the floor if you keep this up.”

“That’s not fucking fair!” I was getting louder now. This was the most volume my words had had in a while. Shit. It was like I was watching this happen on a screen or something.

“It’s very fucking fair, Pandora! I work a job I don’t fucking love without a lot of complaint so that you can do your part and go to school. I bought you this stuff, so I’m going to take it away if you’ve just decided you’re not going to pull your weight!”

‘Why the fuck should I even bother!” I screamed. He opened his mouth and words started coming out but I spoke over them and paid zero attention.

“Every adult I see in this stupid town hates their fucking life! You and Shannon’s parents and Ellie’s mom come home and complain about everything you fucking do and all the shit that you all did seemed to get you absolutely nothing! Why the fuck should I bother to go to this place I hate so I can go to even more places I fucking hate for the rest of my life!”

“Because that’s how the world works, Pandora! No one is going to take care of you because you’re too lazy to put some effort in.” No no no. Fucking god damn it. He always twists my words into shit I don’t fucking mean.

“Why should I put effort into anything that’s going to make me into you. I’d rather just fucking die.” I said. He opened his mouth and blinked at that. Just like me. A point for me. I’d finally fucking caught him off guard. He didn’t have an answer for everything.

“I know you’re smart Pandora, but you act pretty fucking stupid sometimes.” He said. And then it was my turn to blink. To be taken aback. He used that silence to leave. He closed the door harder than necessary. No point for me. Like usual. Couldn’t even turn that into a fucking win.