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My phone screen said it was ten to four.

I blew a quiet raspberry. Slid my stupid brick of an electronic device back into my pocket. A OnePlus I’d bought last year off Ebay, already five years old then. It had been pretty good in 2015, apparently. For the price. Four years was about ten centuries in electronics, though. Now it was just slow enough to annoy me every time I loaded more than a page of text.

Atwood wasn’t a big city and it didn’t bustle like Toronto did in the evenings. My mom had taken me and Nate there a couple years before she died, and it had been a lot. Lots of people. Lots of lights. Lots of sounds. Nate had been big-eyed and my mom was worried he was gonna wander off. I’d been attached to her with a death grip. The sounds and the crowds had been too much combined. And that had been back then.

I hated even being in class now. A class of twenty in a rural Ontario high school and I couldn’t even handle it. Part of it was the people. A lot of them always talked and talked about stuff I didn’t get. The clothes and the boys and homework. Fuck. I used to like picking out my clothes.

I liked this, though. Atwood may not have been a constant press of bodies on Friday nights, but the small downtown we had was active. We had some bars, some restaurants, a theater. Still too much for me. This field by the little convenience store wasn’t too much. A couple families would see me and wave, to busy with shopping to interact. Other than that, I was alone. I liked that.

I also liked Ellie, I guess. Shannon was a different story, considering how long it took her to fucking respond to me. Groped in my pocket for my phone, knowing it was useless. I was surprised when I saw the notification. Her name, message hidden. I didn’t like people prying, even if it was only the first few words.

Literally just finished homework. I told you 4:15. It’s not 4:15.

A pause. She was typing something else.

Lucky you, I am a genius. I’m heading out now, be there in ten. Or so.

I blew another raspberry. Four o’clock for Shannon. Five after four for Ellie. Both had spent the past hour getting home and doing homework. Mine was acting as padding for my backpack-turned-back rest.

My stomach growled. I hugged it with both my arms, a bit hunched, and puffed out my cheeks. Hungry for once and all I had on hand was a field of grass and whatever was in my bag. Which was paper and cardboard. Nothing edible.

An unnecessarily thorough search of my front pocket came up short. No change. Certainly no bills. Same for the small pockets of my backpack. Not even any stray coins underneath the papers and books from when I’d thrown my wallet in there in a hurry. Fuck. Fuckity fuck.

I could have gone into the convenience store and promised to pay the cashier back for one of the pre-made sandwiches. He’d known me since I was a kid. But that was embarrassing. And I wasn’t good at that. I got sharp remarks and frowns but not a lot of pity. And it would get back to my dad.

I slid down until my head was resting on my bag and the rest of my body was on the grass. If I went home there would be something in the fridge or the cupboards. I think we had crackers and cheese. But it was almost four. My dad would be home, on the couch, in full view of the door. No getting passed that. And I didn’t want to answer about homework to be done or why I was hungry after only eating lunch four hours ago. Should have went directly home after school. I could have eaten in peace and left. Stupid.

“Everyone at school talks about all the grass stains on your ass. This is why.” A voice said. I raised my head a bit, my chin hitting my chest. Shannon, in a white sleeveless dress, purse slung around her chest like a bowstring. Probably for the best. My black jeans weren’t a good choice. I was sitting in a light sweat all day.

I made a little noise of recognition as I watched her walk over. Looked down. Grass stains on my pants. Fuck. I’d never really noticed that. I felt my stomach frown a bit in response. Of course everyone else noticed but me.

“Any response from Ellie?” She asked, standing above me. Not sitting. Fresh grass on a white dress and all.

“Five minutes.” I responded.

“Of course. What a slowpoke.” She said jokingly. I caught her looking down at me before I turned to stare at some traffic going by. A blue car of some kind. Not new. It blew some wind and dust at us. We both squinted against it.

“That was a joke, I hope you know. No one’s talked to me about you, and I haven’t heard anything about your grass stains around school.”

I looked up at her.

“I know.” I said with a neutral face. I didn’t. But I was glad she had said it. She smiled crookedly at me. Then held out a hand.

“Please come with me and help me pick out a snack. I’m hungry but don’t want to ruin my daily calorie limit, so you’re either going to be a good friend and stop me from buying a whole bag of Doritos or you’re going to at least help me eat them.”

I took her hand and she half-helped me up and half-did almost nothing to assist. Once I was on my feet and had my backpack, we walked arm-in-arm into the store. Her choice. She was almost dragging me by the crook of my elbow.

We had what we wanted in thirty seconds. The next couple minutes were spent wandering the aisles, procrastinating going outside into the heat. We passed the candy and the bread and soups and toiletries. It was a big store. The coolers hummed as we walked by them. I really wanted an ice cream bar, but then I was back around to thinking about how I had zero cash on me. I had my debit card, but I didn’t even remember what my balance was.

Shannon pulled the bag open before we were out the door. She waved behind us to the guy behind the counter. Not who I remembered. It may have been his son. Todd? He’d gone to our school, been a year ahead of us.

She took a chip and then inclined the bag towards me. I took as much as I could fit in my hand with a neutral look on my face. She managed to look unimpressed with her mouth full of food.

Ellie was already waiting a couple feet from where I had been sitting. I could still see the indent on the grass from my bag. She scrunched her eyebrows together and frowned as we approached. I thought it may have been the chips being shared between us without any input from her on flavour or kind. Then she said:

“Aren’t you hot?” And she meant it. It wasn’t a jab like Shannon would give me. Which would be good-natured, but still a jab. She was genuinely concerned, as Ellie was inclined to be.

“Yep. I’m full of regrets.” I responded. Also genuine. It was hot. She frowned a bit deeper.

“It’d only take us a couple minutes to walk to my place. My shorts would fit you.”

I waved her off with my chip-free hand and made some vague noise amounting to, “No thanks, It’s fine.” She nodded a bit and then reached out a hand towards us both. Palm open, ready to receive a snack.

“It’s nacho.” Shannon said right before she crunched another chip between her teeth. Ellie pursed her lips.

“Yes, I can see the bag.”

“I was under the impression you didn’t like nacho.” Shannon said all-knowingly.

“Yes, but I didn’t get to eat anything after my run because both of you have no patience.”

Shannon surrendered the bag to her, holding it by the bottom and tilting it towards Ellie. She did the same as me, grabbing as much as her hands could fit. She won in that regard. Hers were bigger than mine. More food to horde for her.

We stood in that spot for a few minutes more and snacked in mostly silence. I didn’t really want to sit again if no one else would and Shannon had her dress and Ellie a pair of red track shorts and a sky blue t-shirt. Neither of those were very grass-friendly.

“Anyone have a hair tie?” I asked after swallowing a mouthful of cheese dust and chip. Ellie had her blonde hair in a small braid and Shannon had pulled hers back into a loose auburn tail. Seeing that made me realize how heavy and hot my hair was on my neck.

Ellie wordlessly removed one from her wrist and handed it to me. Shannon held the bag of chips and once again looked unimpressed.

“You have absolutely zero hair ties on you?” When I nodded distractedly, band in my mouth, trying to focus on getting everything into a bun without missing any strands, she continued:

“You’re an actual sociopath. Ellie has had her hair this long for a year and she has enough on her wrist to share with both of us.” Ellie raised her eyebrows high and looked up and away in response, as if to say I’m not involved in this.

While I frowned around the item in my mouth and ran my fingers through catches and knots, Shannon asked, “So, what are we doing tonight?”

“We could see a movie.” Ellie responded. I frowned a bit deeper and shook my head at that. Once my hair was smoothly pulled back, I kept one hand around the tail and grabbed the hair tie with the other.

“Don’t have any money.” I said. Ellie pursed her lips a bit. Scrunched her eyebrows together once again.

“One of us could buy your ticket. It’s fine.” I opened my mouth to say something and she continued before I could, “My mom also said she hasn’t seen either of you in ages, I think she’d give up the living room for a movie night.”

Ellie’s mom was right. I did miss going over there. It had been what, a few months? Almost a year. Shannon had started getting busy with her therapy and trying to keep her grades level and Ellie had been getting hormones sorted and trying to figure out a new style and I’d just been so used to staying in my room. We’d saw each other at school and talked easily but I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept over at one of my best friends' places.

But I didn’t want to sit still right now. My phone had been turned from vibrate to silent around three thirty and I couldn’t handle trying to actively ignore it while on a couch, trying to pay attention to a movie.

“I haven’t seen my second mom in a while, and you have air conditioning, so that sounds fine with me.” Shannon said

“I don’t wanna be inside right now.” I stated. Shannon looked at me once, the natural instinct when someone spoke. She seemed to give me a double take afterwards. Her expression shifted into something softer.

“Okay,” she nodded while she spoke,” any suggestions?”

I was silent while I thought. I came out here a lot. This fringe part of town. It felt populated enough I wasn’t worried about getting hurt or getting attacked. But there was also a calm to it that the areas around my house didn’t have. I could put some music in one ear and walk and sit and not think and I didn’t feel pressured to look days and weeks ahead and focus on how it was going to be the exact same as the hours I’d just lived.

But I didn’t need to do that with Shannon and Elie here. They distracted me enough on their own. They could talk about boys and clothes and homework and I liked the way they did it.

Shannon and Ellie were talking while I was staring off into space. Shannon was talking at Ellie, actually. Ellie liked to listen. She wasn’t offended by it.

My eyes settled on a point past them. Where grass behind the convenience store became a bit more wild, met the edge of the forest. Something turned in my stomach a bit. It wasn't a bad feeling. A bit sad, but I didn’t hate it.

“Remember that little clearing we used to play in?” I said. Shannon stopped talking and looked at me. I repeated myself and pointed to the woods for clarification. Shannon blinked a couple times, taking in the information. Ellie turned her head and furrowed her brow and stared.

“Yeah.” Shannon trailed the word off. Ellie turned back to us.

“Let’s go there.” I said.

“You wanna take a hike on a Friday night?” Shannon asked. She seemed to remember the chip bag in her hand at this moment. She began to roll it up.

“Yeah.” I said. Lamely. Couldn’t put my ideas into words. I wanted to run around and have fun again like we did.

“We’ll be under the leaves, there’ll be shade. I kind of like the idea.” Ellie said, shrugging. Shannon stared at both of us for a couple seconds. Then nodded and spread her hands.

“Okay, but you and me aren’t wearing pants,” she pointed at Ellie and herself,” so we’re going to be very careful. And if we see any poison ivy or whatever, we’re heading back. Okay?”

I nodded. Ellie did as well. Shannon gave a tilt of the head and a look very much like her mom when she seemed satisfied with an outcome. Then she held up the now-sealed bag of chips.

“I am also definitely not carrying this, so if you want anymore you can take this. Otherwise, say goodbye to the Doritos.”

Ellie and I said nothing. Ellie shook her head and waved her hand a bit. Shannon nodded, the satisfied look crossing her face again for a second. She threw the bag into the dumpster behind the store as we began to walk.  

I slipped my other arm through the dangling strap of my bag once we hit the edge of the forest. Tightened both the straps so it sat higher on my back. Then I felt my bag catch on something and turned my head to look. Shannon had a finger looped through the mesh bottle holder.

“Putting my purse in your bag?” She phrased it like a question. I nodded. Ellie held up her wallet as well. I nodded again. After they zipped me back up, we continued.

Ellie had been right. The shade helped. It was cool and even a bit wet under the ceiling of leaves. I led us through, kept an eye out for any particular three-leaf plants or whatever else looked strange. It was slow. Shannon and Ellie were taking careful steps and although Ellie and me wore shoes, Shannon was wearing sandals. She was trying not to drive a stick or a rock in between her toes or under her feet.

I’d been alone for an hour before Ellie and Shannon had shown up. Hadn’t talked to anyone. Now I had people with me and it was still just silence. Little crunches and cracks of twigs and leaves interrupted that every so often.

It was comfortable, though. Ellie was probably fine. There were times when Shannon wasn’t around and we barely spoke. I’d lay along the floor or squeeze into the leather armchair her mom hadn’t wanted in the living room anymore and she’d starfish on her bed and we’d scroll and read on our phones. Sometimes we’d pass them to each other and show funny things and laugh but that was it. Sometimes I’d sit and draw. She’d be my subject on occasion. I had half a sketchbook in total filled with her probably. Sometimes I’d play the guitar she had that she never touched. I hadn’t done either of those in a while.

Shannon was probably itching to say something, though. Not that I minded usually. She wasn’t stupid and she rarely ever spoke without meaning. She just liked to talk. When she got us going it was good. We’d theorize about a show or talk about how a movie was good or bad or aggressively gossip about school. She actively posed for me when I drew. Probably had more of her than I did of Elie.

“What are we going to do when we get there?” Shannon asked. We were fairly deep in the forest now. Her voice sounded odd here. Like it wanted to echo and bounce but something was stopping it just short of where it should actually end. I sensed an edge to her tone. She was uneasy.  

“Climb a tree.” Like we used to. We’d never told our parents about this spot, really. My mom would have never let me come back. Shannon’s parents would have just had a worried fit. Ellie’s mom would have been mellower. Mad and disappointed, but more calm about it.

“Oh, yeah, wow, that’s a fantastic idea.” She responded while gesturing at me with her sandaled feet.

“You didn’t come prepared. Boy Scout’s motto.” I said. My voice was the same too. Muffled. Like we were in a small room with lots of fabric in it.

“Fuck off.” She’d meant it as a joke, probably, but the statement had some bite to it. I turned slightly and saw her slowly moving her eyes back and forth with every step. Like she was crossing the longest street ever.

“Guys.” Ellie said. She’d stopped without us noticing and was a few feet behind because of it. Shannon did the same almost immediately after Ellie spoke. I took a few slow steps to lose the momentum I had built up. We both looked at her.

“Have either of you not noticed the lighting?” She asked quietly.

I did a full circle. Everything was a bit blue. Like someone had slipped a bit of coloured plastic wrap over the sun. The bushes and the bark and the dirt underneath still had their original tones, but over it was a pale blue colour. Like the light from a TV or computer screen.

“Okay.” Shannon said strangely. Still looking back and forth.

The temperature hadn’t changed. It was still a bit cool like a forest would be. Maybe room temperature or a bit more. The cold lighting was mismatched with the bit of heat leaking through the leaves.

“The sound is weird too.” I said. My voice was crisp and clear, like I was speaking in a room with zero background noise. Shannon looked at me for a moment. Ellie bit her lip and pushed her eyebrows together. Shannon clapped, and the sound didn’t seem to carry nearly as far as it should.

“We’re going back.” Shannon stated. Her voice was solid and stern. Like she was talking to a toddler, expecting an argument. She moved her eyes to stare at me.

I said nothing for a moment. My immediate reaction was to agree. I didn’t understand why she thought I wouldn’t, automatically.

But some part of my brain thought this was really interesting, as well.

“Okay.” I said, after a little pause. Ellie was already turning to walk. Shannon followed her and I followed Shannon.

The sounds of wood and dirt under our feet was strange now. A bit unnerving. Too loud in the quiet, too amplified and enunciated. After a minute or two, I waited for the blue light to start fading. It didn’t, of course. We continued for another few minutes regardless. Ellie was the one to stop us once again. She turned and sighed. Said nothing.

“We cannot just go forward. I don’t want to be that person.” Shannon said. She was tapping her feet and crossing her arms.

“Me or Ellie will tell everyone that if we make it out. That you weren’t another horror movie character.” I said, looking around. The sunlight coming down through gaps in the leaves was a strange mix of yellow light overlapped with blue. It didn’t mix or weave together. It just sat, one on top of the other.

Shannon didn’t luah or respond. Neither did Ellie. They both looked nervous and uncomfortable in their own way. I felt like a bit of an asshole for saying that.

“We would have been able to at least see the end of the forest by now. We either see what’s waiting for us or spend the rest of our lives walking.” I said. They were silent for a few moments. Then:

“God fucking damn it I hate this.” Shannon said. She was holding her hands tightly under her armpits like she was cold. Ellie was standing very still behind her, hands clenched in fists, looking thoughtful and distressed. I stared at them for a moment, then stretched out my arm and offered a hand to Shannon. She took it. She mirrored my action with her other hand, and Ellie took hers.

It only took us another four or five minutes to reach the clearing. However that worked. Shannon was holding my hand as tight as she could as we crossed the line of trees surrounding it. I wondered in the back of my head how she got such a low mark on the grip test in gym.

The clearing was a perfect circle. A fact I hadn’t really noticed when I was a kid. The main attraction was what had brought us back here over and over: a tall, wide, thick tree in the center. Gnarled and old and great for climbing, the knots giving handholds and the large branches giving a sturdy place to sit and rest.

The air was completely still here. The individual blades of grass didn’t shift an inch in any direction. The only movement was us, shifting dirt and leaves as we stepped over foliage and set foot in the meadow, and the small creature sitting at the base of the tree.

It was white, given a blue tint by the light coming unfiltered from the non-existent ceiling. It looked a bit like an arctic fox. Same general face shape, same posture and composition. But it was longer and sleeker and had less of the puffiness that their fur did. It’s eyes were the same blue as the strange light cast over everything, and it had a bit of a plume around it’s neck and down the front of it’s chest that broke the solid white coat with a bit of gray.

“Hello.” It spoke. It’s voice was female. Deep and soothing and like the voice you’d immediately think of when someone said the word mother, and coming from somewhere other than it’s mouth. It hadn’t moved anything but it’s tail with that single word.